A few years ago, a friend asked me a question that stuck with me:

“Do you feel guilty… for not feeling guilty enough?”

I laughed out loud at first, but the truth was, that question struck a chord. It lingered. It echoed. It became a reminder of how deeply guilt had been woven into my identity, especially in midlife—particularly after I became a parent.

I’d feel guilty for wanting even a moment to myself—guilty for wanting to go to the gym, guilty for rushing back from the shops in case I was too long or something happened, guilty for taking a day off work when I was ill. I’d make excuses instead of just admitting I needed rest. Every time I prioritized myself, guilt would rise like a wave and settle around my shoulders like a heavy shawl.

What changed?

Looking back, there was a turning point—after a particularly stressful day at work, stuck in traffic, exhausted and depleted, I had a moment of clarity:
I just couldn’t do it anymore.
I was sick of feeling guilty about everything.

My son was finishing school and planning his own travels. I had the freedom to leave a job that no longer fulfilled me. And I had a wild, whispering thought: Could I be “selfish”… and just go?

Yes. Why not?

So, about 18 months ago, I packed up my home, stored the belongings that no longer felt essential, and set off on an adventure with no real plan—just the intention to listen to myself, maybe for the first time in years.

That decision cracked something open. It gave me space to breathe, to reflect, to question the guilt-driven thoughts that had quietly run my life. I began to realise that most of the guilt I carried wasn’t even mine. It had been passed down—by family, by society, by outdated expectations of what it means to be a “good” woman, mother, or partner.

Releasing guilt doesn’t mean becoming careless.

It means becoming conscious.

I still feel guilt from time to time—of course I do. But I’ve learned to meet it with curiosity instead of criticism. Now, when guilt creeps in, I ask myself:

• Why do I feel this way?

• Whose voice is this—mine, or someone else’s?

• Does this feeling align with the life I want to live and the woman I want to become?

This inner dialogue is part of what I call my “Butterfly Phase”—a stage of transformation where I consciously shed the old layers of who I thought I had to be, and slowly step into the woman I truly am.

If you're feeling weighed down by guilt—you’re not alone.

So many midlife women carry guilt like a badge of honour. Guilt for taking time. Guilt for putting themselves first. Guilt for wanting more when they’ve already “had a good life.” But guilt is not a measure of love or worthiness. It’s often just a signpost that we’ve been giving everything to others—and very little to ourselves.

So ask yourself:
“Do you feel guilty… for not feeling guilty enough?”
Sit with it. Listen. The answer might surprise you.

Guilt is not your compass. Your truth is.
Midlife can be the beginning of something extraordinary, but only if we learn to give ourselves permission to want more—and to feel good about it.

💛 3 Gentle Steps to Begin Releasing Guilt:

1. Name the Source
   When guilt shows up, pause and ask: Whose expectations am I trying to meet? Awareness is the first step in breaking the pattern.

2. Practice Self love - in the form of permission
   Start small. Give yourself permission to do one nourishing thing a day—guilt-free. A walk. A nap. A no-explanation “no.” Notice what happens.

3. Create a Guilt-Reflection Journal
   Keep a simple journal where you record moments of guilt. What triggered it? What would your best friend say about it? Over time, patterns emerge, so with it comes self-awareness—and self-compassion grows.

You don’t have to earn your right to rest.
You don’t need permission to put yourself first.
You just need to start listening to the part of you that’s quietly asking for more.

You’re not being selfish.
You’re remembering who you are.

✈️ Ready to explore how travel can help you reinvent your next chapter?
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