Some may call me selfish for my wanderings, but when I’m out on my own, there’s a peace it brings me. I’m not even consciously seeking it… but eventually, it arrives. Maybe it’s because the noise has been stripped away — the noise of expectation, of responsibility, of all the demands of what I call the “normal” world.

The last 18 months of travelling have brought me so much growth. And while I can feel the changes unfolding within me, it’s here in Morocco that they have truly come into focus in a way that has been incredibly empowering.

Perhaps that’s because there are powerful shifts happening in my personal life too — particularly with my family. The kind of shifts that bring sharp clarity around the reality of life’s fragility. How short it is. How fast it passes. How quickly it can change in the spin of a coin.

The Loop We Live In — And How Travel Helped Me Step Out

There is always this duality in life. We see it in the symbols around us — black/white, good/bad, yin/yang. And this journey has brought into focus something else: the loop. That familiar, cyclical energy we live in. When we step outside the loop, especially through travel, we enter a space that holds us differently.

After five wonderful nights in Marrakesh, filled with friendship and sisterhood, I moved on to Essaouira. The coast brought me a flow so easy and gentle that I lost track of time. But the Ourika Valley had whetted my curiosity, and I wanted to get up into the mountains. So I booked a ticket, boarded a bus, and suddenly I was on a two bus, 8-hour journey — the only foreigner and one of just two women aboard.

From the Coast to the Mountains — Leaving the Security of Familiarity, Into Unease and Awe

Coming up into the Atlas Mountains was the perfect next chapter after the serenity of the coast and the beautiful little coastal town I had fallen in love with. I had grounded, felt held there.

But this movement brought a very different energy. I felt a resistance. A fear of the unknown. Long bus rides, unfamiliar terrain... yet as soon as we started climbing. I was mesmerized. The mountains and villages evoked a sense of awe. 

At the one lunch stop, our huge coach was squeezed into a narrow mountain town, guided loudly by restaurant owners into a tight roadside space. The meat hung raw in the sun, the tagines were bubbling, and young children ran food to tables. A little girl on the toilet asked for money — I gave her extra. A 6-year-old boy scurried around doing his job with pride. I slipped him a sneaky coin on my way out. His smile said everything. That kind of humbleness has a powerful effect. This simple food stop, the smiles, the acceptance, brought a calmness and surety about where I was and what I was doing.

Moments That Brought Me Back to Myself

Since arriving in Morocco I have been able to slow down - mentally and emotionally. It’s like I’ve wandered into a different relationship with time. Travel does that. Different rhythms, values, and ways of living.

I took a breath before heading into another new adventure. "You got this," I told myself. This is what I came for: to learn, to feel, to stretch. I drove unfamiliar roads, unsure if my data was working. I passed vast stretches of white rock and dust. And as I drove out of Ouarazazate — there in the middle of the desert was a strange, huge silver arch rising in the desert. I still don’t know what it was, but its glare was mesmerising. It lit up the land like some futuristic monument. It made me think of how we shine when we stand alone — powered only by sunlight and self-trust.

I drove along the Road of 1000 Kasbahs, through old villages and a town beside the Valley of the Roses. Pink and green bus stops, green shop fronts, rose oil in every window. Using an offline Google Maps, I found my way into Dades Gorge. Orange-hued rocks curled around a hidden river. Donkeys carried vegetables and supplies. Berber men crouched under lone trees cooking over fire. Women carried bundles on their heads. Life, real and unpolished. I got lost. Two young guys offered to call my hotel for directions. They asked for nothing in return. Just helped. With big smiles.

Holding Two Worlds — The Light and the Dark

Time was playing a hand in all this. It was like stepping out of the loop had placed me exactly where I needed to be. Driving up and down hairpin bends in my little car, I could hardly stop smiling. My jaw actually ached. It was that beautiful. Raw beauty like that doesn’t just touch your eyes — it touches your heart.

I watched a young boy playing gleefully in a stream, his grandfather watching quietly, smiling with love. No phones. No noise. Just sunlight, water, time. These moments? That’s where the true essence of life lives.

And as I drove on, the sun began to lower. The river ran below, I could hear it bubbling away over the rocks on its downward journey. The voices of children playing echoed in the valley. I passed an older gentleman sitting quietly on a low rock wall, looking toward the light. Emanating a sense of peace, of being present.

As I stood looking over the gorge, I felt the loop again — or rather, the space outside it. I realised I was holding two worlds:

One — full of freedom and wildness, adventure and curiosity.
The other — rooted in love and responsibility, tied to someone I adore who’s unwell.
There’s no perfect way to carry both. You just do. You stretch wide enough to let them live together — the ache and the awe, the joy and the grief, the longing and the love. To hold space for yourself and for those you love.

Duality… to know love and appreciation you need to experience the grief and darkness also. Dark/light…

This is what I mean when I say I’ve stepped out of the loop.
The loop is the place where I give all of myself to everyone else — family, friends, the roles I’ve worn for years. But when I step out, even just for a day, I come back to myself.

My own energy. My own breath. My own voice.
And that is not selfish. That is sacred to me, for ME.

This Is Midlife Healing

This past week hasn’t been all sunlight and beauty. Old emotional patterns came up. I stumbled into a few familiar wounds. But this time, I didn’t fall apart. I met myself in those places with a new kind of awareness. I stayed with it. That’s a strength I didn’t trust ten years ago — but I trust it now.
I no longer shift to fit.
I no longer apologise for my needs.
I no longer rush to fix what isn’t mine. That’s not my job.
I don’t have to be a carer for those who don’t even want to be in my ‘loop’ but want my energy to fill theirs with light.

I trust who I am. I don’t need to explain it. I feel grounded in who I am now. Without apology.

This is midlife healing. Not always comfortable. But powerful. 
I am here. Present. Alive.
Holding love in one hand, and my own life in the other. Duality and the loops in between.  Not perfectly – nothing is, I don’t think it’s meant to be. But truthfully, with honesty and with love always.

Letting travel give me space to be.

And you? Will you step out of the loop?
Will you honour yourself? Find yourself again?
Life is short.

✨ Ready to start your next chapter?
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Your next chapter doesn’t need a perfect plan — just a courageous first step.